to danny. on his 37th birthday.

I stood next to you in the hallway of the hospital.

We could hear them talking, quietly. A nurse, a social worker and our birthmother–their quiet voices muffled even more by a privacy curtain and a big, old wooden door. The brown stain on the door was worn where you pushed it open. It was cracked open just enough for me to see her feet.

She was wearing pink and yellow socks. Polka dots. Probably exactly what I would have worn to the hospital to have a baby.

I stood–looking at her feet and then at my feet. And then back at hers, scared to breathe.

“We’re not leaving here with this baby,” you said. “But we’ll be ok. Either way, we’ll all be ok.”

You grabbed my hand and squeezed it–tight. I nodded. And my eyes filled with tears.

. . .

I sat down next to you on the couch. It was Sunday and you were watching football. That baby was asleep on your chest.

I’d been so consumed with feedings. And diapering. And sleep schedules. I hadn’t been so consumed with my monthly cycle.

And they all said it couldn’t happen–wouldn’t happen.

But it did.

There were two dark pink lines on a pregnancy test in our bathroom. I’d been staring at them for the past twenty minutes–wondering how I’d tell you.

I sat–looking at the TV and then at you. And then back at the TV. Scared to breathe.

The words came fast and jumbled. They’d be so close in age. I wouldn’t be able to go back to work for awhile. We’d have two in college at the same time. We’d probably never sleep through the night again, at least not anytime soon.

You smiled. “We’ll be ok,” you said. “We’ll all be ok.”

You grabbed my hand and squeezed it–tight. I nodded. And my eyes filled with tears.

. . .

118

You’re still all of this to me–my hubby, my buddy and the he behind this she.

But now we have these two amazing kids. So you’re also my partner in parenthood, my teammate and their dad.

I love you, Danny. Yesterday, today and always. Thank you for always holding my hand–and telling me we’ll all be ok. Happy 37th.

4 thoughts on “to danny. on his 37th birthday.

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